Do you feel like your ego is out of control? Let’s look at some things you can do to build a healthier relationship with it. Awareness is key if you want to put your ego in check because you need to catch it when it shows itself. See if you catch yourself doing anything on the list, and follow the measures to put it in its place.
This article is a section of the original article about the ego. To learn about what the ego is and why it’s a problem, visit this link. Otherwise, let’s get into it!
🐠 Don’t feed the egos!
How often do you see people glamouring up and creating a false image to earn admiration? How many women get Botox or boob jobs to feel more sexy? What about the guys who wear expensive jewelry and designer clothes while parading themselves in sleek cars to earn attention?
I’m not saying that you shouldn’t put your best self out there, or desire to look good. But I would challenge you, have you thought about why you go to such extents to be admired? Feed the soul, not the ego.
🎣 Stop fishing for validation
All that attention and external validation feels good because it makes you feel important. People are actually acknowledging that you’re doing good, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. But when you start seeking out that acknowledgment, that’s when it becomes a slippery slope.
The main ways that people get validation are through compliments and credit. You can take credit for things you do if someone is giving it unprompted. But don’t look to get credit for the things you do. Just be proud of your work and allow other people to enjoy it. Definitely don’t take credit for other people’s work.
I’m not saying it’s bad to get compliments but don’t go out looking for them, and be humble when you receive them. Social media is also a big source of validation these days. If you use it, just be conscious about why you’re using it, what you’re posting, and how much the results of the post matter to you.
⛔ Be humble
Speaking of being humble, avoid talking yourself up. Sometimes it’s tempting to do, sometimes we feel we need to. After all, how will people know how great you are if you don’t mention it? But if you truly feel great, people will recognize your greatness through your actions, it doesn’t need to be mentioned. If it’s necessary to mention, be modest.
Avoid boasting and bragging. Bragging about something is essentially screaming “I’m so insecure that I need someone to tell me how good I am as they coddle me to sleep!” Again, let your life speak for itself, you shouldn’t need to convince others that you’re winning.
🤔 What would he do?
Would he do it for me? Would they go out of their way to help me out? When you’re asked to do something or feel some sort of obligation to help someone out, do you think about what they would do in your position? Because if you do, you’re comparing. You’re not doing it out of kindness, but to balance the table.
Therefore, do things because you genuinely want to help people out. When you make this a practice and act from your heart rather than your mind, that’s when you’re actually going to see the value in helping others.
❕Don’t use adjectives to describe yourself
I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but I’m an extremely good writer. I like to use my unique humor to drive home points, and I’m super engaging! So what am I doing here, besides being an arrogant dick? I’m describing myself with adjectives which is a big no-no.
Do you ever do this unconsciously? Maybe you’re trying to emphasize a point or sell yourself. Really think about it because if you do, not only is it going to feed your ego, but it’s going to make you look stupid. People tend to emphasize how good they are at something to compensate for actually not feeling confident.
💪 What do you have to prove?
I’ve noticed that I start emphasizing how good I’m doing in life when deep down I feel like I’m lacking. So my ego kicks in to point my attention away from a wound that needs to be healed.
When I had a very sad dating life, I talked about the tiny slithers of fulfillment I had any time I could, with anyone I could. Recently I started working at a restaurant, and I find myself talking about the many years of travel, or my side hustles that I’m working on.
Why? I have something to prove because I feel insignificant. Sometimes my ego kicks in to try and justify why I’m working a job that my ego perceives to be below me. Be careful when you’re trying to justify something, and maybe just allow people to not think so highly of you. What does their opinion of you matter anyway?
🤬 You don’t need to be wrong right
Notice when you’re arguing a point across. The ego tends to get fired up to make sure that people know you’re right and they’re wrong. Have you ever thought that you can be right and still let others think that they are too? But how could your ego ever face being wrong? No, that would be despicable, you’re not wrong. Neverer.
Likewise, if someone is blaming you for something that you didn’t do, just accept it. Of course, everything in moderation. It might not be wise to admit something that’s actually a serious deal, but if it’s something trivial, just take it on the chin even if you didn’t do it, and see how it makes you feel.
It’s not all about you
Okay, you’re a person doing person stuff. I get that. But sometimes we make ourselves out to be the center of the world. We start drumming up minor issues to be life-or-death scenarios. But sometimes you just need to step back and have a look around you.
Especially when you’re getting caught in your head about the things happening in your life, take a step back. Reaffirm how insignificant you are in the scheme of things, and I mean that in the most liberating way possible.
⛔ Stop talking about yourself so much
How often do you use the word I or me? Do you find that you talk about yourself a lot, or somehow pull the conversation toward your life when it’s not about you? Don’t feel bad, it’s a natural tendency, we all do it. But having awareness of this allows you to catch those moments when you’re making something about yourself, which allows you to then stop it.
🛍️Don’t be so materialistic
Your ego latches to everything that you have because it wants to identify. It wants to grow. It wants to thrive. And if you’re giving it fuel by constantly having more to identify with, it’s going to be harder to stay modest. It’s okay to have some things. Of course, you want to have a good life, and some things are essential. Just be cautious about how much you get, and how much you identify with.
👍 Get off the socials!
There are a lot of positive aspects of social media, but there’s also a giant downside. Social media is designed to lure you in. It wants to feed your ego and make you feel good about yourself, because that’s how they get you to stay on. That’s why you keep coming back.
If you want to keep your ego in check, you should keep your social media usage in check. I’m not saying not to use it at all, but be conscious about when you use it, and why you use it.
Learn to take constructive criticism
A big ego will take constructive criticism as a personal attack. It will try to defend itself by believing it is perfect. It knows exactly what it’s doing. So if you find that you have an issue receiving constructive criticism, fight the urge to defend yourself and hear out what the other person has to say. You might actually gain some valuable insights as long as your ego doesn’t bark them away.
💝 Moral superiority is not your friend
You identify with your beliefs which fuels your separation. And how much do you separate yourself from other people due to them? Sure, you can resonate with certain beliefs, there’s nothing wrong with that. But avoid taking a position of moral superiority.
Let’s look at some examples: Chances are you have taken a side. So I challenge you, can you discuss these topics openly? Can you understand other people’s point of view? Can you have a discussion with someone who disagrees with your beliefs? Here are some common rifts in today’s world. Be honest with yourself, how do you feel about the following?
- Do you have Liberal or Conservative views?
- Are you religious, spiritual, or an atheist?
- How do you feel about the Russia/Ukraine conflict?
- What’s your stance on the Israel/Palestine conflict?
- What are your thoughts on the COVID mandates vs anti-vax debate?
You may have a strong stance on one position, but do you judge those who don’t share your perspective? Can you see the human in everyone regardless of their beliefs? Can you see the validity of all perspectives without needing to combat them? Because if you can, chances are you’ve got a healthy relationship with your ego. If not, you have some work to do.
You can start by jumping into one of the following articles: